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Reading what you wrote, it is clear to me that we are all way too critical of the boys. This music is personal to each of us in unique ways and you really can't separate the experience from the facts. That's why the running bow-shots between old Phish-Heads and newer fans will never end. The old fans can't distinguish in their memories between what really went down and how they felt about it at the time. It colors our objectivity and that's okay, because it's supposed to. It's music, life, emotion.
You're right. Someday it will end. I sometimes go back into the phish.net archived blogs and read reviews of shows that are in some cases now considered classic, and I smirk as I read the criticisms of fans "in the know". We really are quite a crowd.
We will all weep heartily in loss and gratitude when they finally hang it up for good. Let's hope it stays real to the end.