You know the Simpsons episode where Homer falls through the roof of Alec Baldwin's and Kim Bassinger's house, they befriend each other, and then they send Homer to run their errands? Ok good. This MJM Monday is like when Homer goes into the Kwik-E-Mart asking Apu for a variety of mushrooms:

Homer: Apu, I'm about to purchase some weird and fruity items, and I don't want any guff. First of all, I'll need the following mushrooms: Portobello.
Apu: Yes.
Homer: Porcini.
Apu: Right.
Homer: Chanterelle.
Apu: Uh-huh.
Homer: And Shiitake.
Apu: Okay. We have none of those.

Now replace Homer with @uctweezer, Apu with @FunkyCFunkyDo, and the mushrooms with the jams, and you have my answer to this week's MJM.